Happiness Increases When Shared

Winter in Turkey and Other Life Updates

I have to write in here more often, I know.

Life is changing faster than I can write. Usually, the process goes something like this:

1. I finish the previous blog entry and publish it.

2. I start the idea for the new blog entry.

3. I get distracted or called to do something and postpone publishing

4. Work gets busy, life gets busy… 1 month passes, 2 months pass

5. 76 different things happen in life in the meantime

6. I open the old post and realize it’s outdated… but you don’t know the updates yet so I have to publish it or else the story doesn’t make sense.

For example: If I started this one by saying “I now live in Soganlik, in Koray’s brother’s 3 bedroom apartment, rent-free, 3 floors below his parents” I’m pretty sure some of you would be like … WAIT, what??!?

So let me catch you up. First with work though.

English, Work and More Work

I have become an English robot. I have been working a lot recently, which is why my social media posts and blogs have been reduced. 6 days a week, approximately 40 hours a week. It is a lot because that is just lesson time, not including travel time or prep time, and the lesson times aren’t set. Some days I can work from 9am - 10pm.

What I found out after starting is that most of the foreign teachers with native English abilities (from US and UK) left during the initial months of the COVID pandemic, due to Turkey locking down in March 2020. Many have not returned as the pandemic continues, so the school where I am working does not have many native speakers left who can teach academic English. By many, I mean that there is me and um… one other guy.

What do I mean by academic English? When a non-native speaker wants to study at a university or to work professionally in the U.S. or UK they have to take either IELTS or TOEFL exam. They achieve a certain score which tells the schools and employers their English fluency level. Most schools require a very high score in order to accept students or offer scholarships.

As a U.S. college graduate who liked to read and used to pride myself on my writing skills, I can attest that these tests are very hard. They ask students to write in academic formats (introduction, thesis, 2 main points with support, 1 opposition with support, conclusion, etc.) and require them to speak using vocabulary that we often do not use on a daily basis.

This is a speaking example:

For the first time in my entire life, I feel like I am finally using my entire college degree. As a reminder, my degree is a double Bachelors in International Affairs and German language. The school did learn of my German language abilities and gave me a beginner-level general German class as well. But that was short-lived because I can only translate from German into English. Some of the Turkish students in the German course can only speak Turkish. My Turkish level is not enough to translate everything or to explain the basic grammar rules. In beginner-level classes, sometimes it is necessary for translation, especially when you are explaining basic grammar tenses and basic vocabulary. In the upper-level classes - such as the English ones I teach - we describe the word in another way to keep it 100% English. An upper-level example would be: If the students are introduced to the new verb to resign I would describe it as “to formally quit your job, usually giving 2 weeks notice”. The students know all of these other words, so now they have the meaning of to resign.

Either way, I like teaching academic English because it is the most advanced level available. And when the students get the high score they wanted, or I notice a significant improvement, it makes me so happy! I also have other general English group courses during the day. General English means that the students are just looking for daily English vocabulary, speaking, and writing training. Usually, students start in general English and then proceed to academic levels if interested. Group classes consist of anywhere from 3-10 students, usually between the ages of 19 - 50. Group classes were held in person until November and the government locked down again. Now, nearly everything is on Zoom.

Now onto Koray

His name is pronounced like CORE - EYE, not Corey.

I’ll start at the very beginning. I met him on the holiday to Southern Turkey the very first week I arrived. I went with my roommates and he was with his brother and his best-friend. Keep in mind, this was my FIRST week in Turkey and my Turkish was not great. Keep in mind also, this was an all Turk citizen tour (besides myself and my roommates). Koray’s group was 3 people and my group was 3 people, we were around the same age, so we ended up hanging out for some of the first nights of the vacation.

The problem was he didn’t understand English.

“Ok, but Sam how did you communicate?” I know you’re wondering. Even my Turkish colleagues ask me.

www.google.com guys.

Haha just kidding.

Sortof.

In the beginning, I was glued to the translator on my phone because I couldn’t say nearly enough in Turkish. Now, I don't use it on a daily basis anymore.

And somehow it worked out. We spent the majority of the vacation together, and thankfully, we became really close on the vacation after realizing (through Google) that we were very compatible. Between then and now, we’ve come to learn that we have A LOT in common. He’s 35. He’s the eldest child in his family, I’m the eldest in mine - this was important as this brings out certain personality traits that I’m very fond of. He’s very level headed and doesn’t anger easily, neither do I. He’s a practical thinker, as am I. He’s a hardworker… so forth.

He is very very very nice. I cannot add enough “very”s to explain how nice he is. And I have no words to explain how well we get along. It surprises even us sometimes, as to how well we get along. He makes me very happy, always. I am always being newly surprised at how well he takes care of me. He is often surprised at how easy-going I am. For example, if he has to change plans last minute because of family or work, we make it work.

“You guys are in the honeymoon period, just wait”

:| Thanks. But no, seriously. We’ve lived together for three months now, and everything is still going… excellent. Yes, we’re both stubborn and yes, we have disagreements, misunderstandings, and arguments. But I can easily and without question say that this is the best, healthiest, supportive, mutual relationship that I have EVER been in.

The #valentineschallenge survey to answer the rest of your questions:

When you first met: September 26, 2020 - On a group coach bus vacation starting in Istanbul and finishing in Antalya along the Aegean Sea region. We were stuck together for a week.

The group tour members

First date: September 28, 2020 - We snuck away from the group in one of the cities on the tour, walked along the seaside eating kiwi & lemon ice cream (sounds gross but is actually good!) before stopping at a cafe to drink tea. We had already spent the whole day together, so we were fairly comfortable with each other at this point.

First Kiss: He started it. Asked me to pose for this picture on our first date, and then told me to look up at him.

This picture gives me all the feels 🥰

How long have you been together: 5 months & counting

Age difference: 4.5 years

Who was interested first: At the same time. He saw me when he boarded the bus (he said my eyes caught his attention since I was wearing a mask), and I saw him when he boarded the bus (because he’s 6’4” and I was wondering HOW on earth he was going to sleep in those seats for 8 hours). He and his brother and friend ended up sitting in front of us.

Who is taller: Him. By a lot. He’s 6’4”. It’s hard for us to find clothes for him here in Turkey due to his height.

Who said "I love you" first: Well, he asked “You really love me a lot don’t you?” and I said “Yes.” I can remember where we were, but I don’t remember the preceding portion of our conversation that prompted it.

Worst temper: Neither of us. We’ve both gotten mad, we’re both a little stubborn, but I wouldn’t say that either of us has a temper… There are people here in Turkey who are like FIRE with their temper.

Most sensitive: Me.

Loudest: Him, for sure. And he knows it. His whole family comes from a region where the people are known for being loud.

Most stubborn: Me.

Falls asleep first: Depends. If we’re watching a movie, me. If Koray just came back from a night shift at work, him. I’d give this 50/50.

Better Morning Person: Me. I am always the first one awake.

Funniest: Both. I can’t express my jokes or sarcasm that well in Turkish, but his family is starting to realize that I can be funny.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?: Our kitchen. The couch. There was this one restaurant near our current apartment where we used to get breakfast, but it closed during COVID.

Better driver: Koray will say it’s him, but he hasn’t seen me drive. I say it’s me, but not in Turkey - they drive crazy here.

Most competitive: Him forsure. For sureeee.

‍Best Cook: Me! I’m proud of this one! My cooking skills have increased significantly in the last months due to 1) COVID lockdown and restaurants closing 2) new culture & cuisine 3) not having a microwave

Living Situation

I now live in Soganlik / Kartal, Istanbul which is still in Istanbul but is considered one of the suburbs, you could say. It’s approximately a 40-minute metro ride to Kadikoy, which is a central point on the Asian side. Soganlik is still a somewhat crowded area. It is on the Asian side of Istanbul, and the cost of living here is even so much more affordable.

The schools are each in a city center area, I live by the red dot

Here in Istanbul, nearly everyone lives in apartments. Apartments are usually bought (not rented) and will typically be listed as 1+1, 2+1, or 3+1. The 1, 2 or 3 is the number of bedrooms and the + 1 is a living room. I’ve had to explain to my classes so many times, especially students who are looking to travel abroad, that we do not list our apartments like this in the U.S. If you see a 2+1, this means 2 rooms + 1 full bathroom. They’ve all laughed because “of course a house would have a bathroom!” ...yeah well, we also think of course a house would have a living room soo… touche

In their 20’s Koray and his brother each bought their own family-sized apartment and started paying it off as the home they would eventually move into with their own future wives (who they hadn’t met yet). An investment into the future. Koray’s house is in another part of the same town, 5 minutes away. He is currently renting it to another family and has… ahem… paid off his apartment. (I am so lucky!)

It is also normal here for children to live at home, even if they have a home of their own until they get married. Both girls and guys. So even though both he and his brother each have their own house, they both stay with their parents.

His brother’s apartment is in the same building as their parents, 3 floors below them. They very very so unexpectedly and graciously opened up this 3+1 (Ginormous for one person) home for me. I was so surprised when they recommended it (back when I was looking to move) that I literally burst into tears! I could not be more grateful or thankful! I have all of my things here, and Koray and I started getting the housewares together (we purchased a refrigerator, a kitchen table, carpets, and a stove/oven set). Koray will eat here with me and stays sometimes overnight (which is technically not allowed until we are married) but he doesn’t have any of his things here sooo… it kinda doesn’t count. Plus I only have a twin bed here and he’s 6’4”. With that being said, we draw straws - figuratively - to determine who is sleeping on the couch each night.

Side note: Koray works as security for the city of Istanbul. It is a really good job and is looked upon highly here. He has worked at this job for 12 years and will be able to retire when he is 55. It has all of the benefits of a government job and offers a really good salary. It is not dangerous. Think of entering a courthouse in the U.S. Usually you have to go through some security. He does THAT. But here, he works for a city warehouse. The shifts are 12 hours, either morning 8am - 8pm or nights 8pm - 8am. He works for 2 days, and then has 2 days off - so depending on how you look at it, the shifts can be hard, but the days off are nice. He says he is very well used to it by now. For that reason, he will stay with me at this apartment sometimes, because it is quieter here for sleeping during the day. And I will choose to sleep on the couch sometimes if I know he is tired from a night shift or has to work early since I teach from home most of the days.

Alright, so back to the house. This house is REALLY REALLY nice. I keep saying house, but want to be clear - it is an apartment house. These apartments are large enough for a family of 5, so they are like a house. There are two balconies, a full kitchen, 2 bathrooms (1 Western, 1 Turkish), 1 Master Bedroom, 1 Children's Room (bunk beds are still a thing here for 2+ kids), 1 Salon (where you entertain guests with nicer couches and have larger dinners), and 1 sitting room (where you and your family can watch TV and be comfortable). BUT I keep it really clean and am very careful because as I mentioned - it is his brother’s house and they renovated everything, floors, new paint, new kitchen - so it’s BRAND new. And I don’t want to ruin or stain anything before his brother can move in himself.

I go up to his family sometimes for dinner or to watch TV with them, and sometimes they come down here and we’ll make tea or snacks. We’ve all become very close in the last 3 or so months. And just to reiterate… we are all speaking Turkish. All the time.

Other Life Updates

And with that, I’m going to keep going with the question-and-answer format.

So, what else has been up?

Not much. I always say that when there’s been a lot up, but I don’t know how to summarize it all. So I’ll just answer all of the most common questions I usually get from friends and family.

Is Turkey open for travel yet?

Not really. No.

You can come here, but restaurants and all tourist attractions are closed, at all times. During the week everything closes at 9pm and you are supposed to be in your homes or risk getting fined by the police (yes, they really enforce it here). But what does this mean for the daytime? It’s pretty much a somewhat normal life. You can still be shoulder-to-shoulder (with a mask) with someone on the bus or metro. Work is still happening (but not face-to-face).

^^I am laughing to myself so hard right now, because this is EXACTLY like the metro here^^

On the weekends… TECHNICALLY there is still a curfew. Technically. Meaning that all of the shops and everything else is closed from 9pm on Friday until 5am on Monday. With the exception of markets. At first, you weren’t supposed to go to the market unless it was an emergency. Then the weather started to get nice and people wanted to sit outside their apartments or walk along the street. And now, people are outside in the streets and parks, nothing is open, and if the police ask you should always be “on your way to the market”....

Did you get snow?

Yes! Recently we got a lot. Which was odd because the few days prior it was in the 60’s. Also, this much snow isn't normal here. The thing is - people drive here like crazy normally. So with the snow - it’s scary. Plus there are a lot of hills here and … it’s not all fun and games.

If the snow isn’t a lot, nothing much changes. They have an excellently functioning and widely used public transport system. You just have to dress warmer for the walk to and from the station.

Did you get your residence permit?

Unfortunately, not yet. I have been here 5 months now. 2 of which have been within a “grey” area - which is the period that happens after your 3-month tourist visa expires, but you are still waiting for your residence permit application to process. During this grey period, I can’t leave Turkey, otherwise I will pay a fine for overstaying my tourist visa AND have to wait to re-apply, starting the process all over again. Koray and I went to the appropriate office 2 weeks ago to check on it. They said all of my paperwork had been submitted and is still processing, come back again in 2 weeks to check again. I spoke with one of my friends at work, another American, who came 2 years ago. He said that they told him the same thing… for 10 months. So. I will continue waiting and checking.

But will they kick you out?

Hopefully not. My American friend said that as long as I have a particular document (which I have) then it’s just a waiting game. The most inconvenient thing that has happened so far is that they shut off my Turkish phone number because I didn’t have an appropriate ID card to properly register the number. So then Koray just opened another one in his name…

I also can’t get a bank account.

But this is the same treatment foreigners get in the U.S. as well, so I’m not complaining.

Speaking of my phone…

It has probably been the largest and most inconvenient expense thus far.

I have an iPhone 11. Not because I like to have the newest gadgets - I don’t - but because when I went to the T-Mobile store in the U.S. back in March 2020, I walked in with an iPhone 7 and the sales rep practically laughed in my face that it still worked. And all they had available to replace it with was iPhone 10 or 11. This was all right around the time the general public realized that Apple was slowing down older model phones - which I definitely personally noticed.

Any hoo… before coming to Turkey I paid off the phone (approximately $500) so that Apple/TMobile could “unlock it” which would allow me to take out the U.S. T-Mobile SIM and put in a Turkish SIM. My TMobile service still works here (for $10 a month) - and sometimes I do switch the SIM’s back & forth if I need to make a call to the U.S. that can’t be done on WhatsApp. (Until today, when - due to this post - I went to look for my U.S. SIM card and realized it’s gone. Meaning, I lost it.) The Turkish SIM cost me 250 TL (appx $35) for the first one, and 120TL (appx $16) for the second one that Koray put in his name. Why the difference? It’s always good to know someone who knows someone here… 😉

So after paying off the phone, I thought everything was set. Nope. Because I don’t have a Turkish ID. So I have to buy a packet for the phone every month. Ok, fine.

BUT THEN, I get this message which says something along the lines of “Hey, we know you bought your phone internationally, so if you want to use it here in Turkey after 3 months, you have to pay the import taxes here which are 2,500TL (appx $350)”

All for a stupid phone. “Well Sam, can’t you ask the same ‘friend’ who got you the cheaper SIM card?” Yeah. Did that. They said that because it is an iPhone, you can’t “break into it”. If it were a Samsung or another brand, they could totally do it.

So I’m waiting for the final threatening message of my phone being disabled before I decide to fork that chunk of money out…

Anything else?

Eh not much. I still haven’t caught COVID. The vaccine is here, but I’m probably very far down on the list of recipients (being young and foreign). I started taking a multi-vitamin after catching a cold in January and the surprising side-effect was that my hair starting growing really fast. It’s long again and I went back to the side bang.

Also, don’t worry - I’ve kept up on all of the media from the U.S. From Capitol Riots to GameStop, to possible impeachment, to praying that Biden erases the student loans… I saw a funny one with people complaining about wearing 2 masks. I say funny because… uh. People have been doing that here in Turkey for a while now. It’s normal.

I promise to write more often. My next entry will be about the biggest cultural differences and my adventures in cooking!